wild ride

I was listening to this video and it really touched to my core for multiple reasons. Since it seemed that ever since I was a child I was stuck in the center of the nine circles of hell. Not all aspects of my childhood or life was bad but it felt every time I climbed out of one circle of hell I was encountered with another. I went through a lot of pain, hurt and betrayal throughout my life that I had to navigate through. Nobody really knows the depths of my struggles or the pain I endured. To save myself there was a version of myself that was created that I have dubbed "the bitch." Whenever she's activated she rushed in yielding her sword to protect me and my heart space. I guess I should thank her because without her I would be who I have become today. She prevented me from being lost in the those circles of hell. Now she struggles because I have found peace within myself through my life journey. I am not saying I am perfect by no means am I perfect but I do try daily reminding myself I am no longer whom I used to be or in those dark places in my soul. Through this journey before this version of myself I only existed to self-sabotage myself in so many ways. I realized that I am not a victim and healing comes through feeling the pain. Everyday I fight to become better than I was yesterday even if it's just a little progress. I believe that some progress is better than no progress.