Emotional void

Sometimes you encounter people that are distant, cold and unfeeling. A lot of times this happens because there is a past hurt, not any hurt, for the person it’s life altering. I myself am guilty of having an emotional void but I was able to identify it and I try not to let it activate. Circumstances sometimes trigger this emotional void. Circumstances such as a major shift of change in a person’s life that emotionally is overwhelming to deal with. There’s no easy or quick way to maneuver out of this void, it requires counseling at times and for others it takes deep reflection to try to pin point the point where this void formed. One way I was able to maneuver out of my void was through deep reflection. I was able to identify my life altering point. It was when my uncle was killed. This was hard for me to accept and this was the point where I built my wall and shut down. He was my best friend and although we didn’t see each other much we had deep talks. He helped me understand my mom better because I was being hard on her because I just didn’t understand her struggles. I was really hurt that I had lost him, the weekend he was killed he had wanted to see me and I blew him off to be with my boyfriend. This regret and pain of my choice is what catapulted me into this void. I couldn’t deal with that pain and regret. Overtime this turned into anger, I hated the world and I disassociated myself from it. This hate and void took a big toll on me but over the years I have been able to break free from this void through a lot of self reflection over this loss, pain and regret. I have come to terms with it, in no way does the pain go away but it has softened the pain enough that I can speak of his death without choking up in tears.